Christmas...2009

We celebrated Christmas early this year, because my younger brother was to leave for the MTC on the 23rd of December, we later learned that they wanted him to enter on the 16th instead. Luckily my sister and her family were able to make it, even though it was a whole week earlier than planned. He had is farewell on the 13th, and it was fabulous. We then decided to have Christmas on the 12th so that he could be there with us. We had a great time. McKelle was fun to watch, she of course got spoiled, and loved the wrapping paper! It was fun watching her have her first Christmas, even though she of course had no real understanding of what was going on, you could still see that she liked her new toys and books! We then got to have a small Christmas with Alex's family on Christmas day, and that too was so much fun! We also decided to go to Alvin and the Chipmunks the Squeakual, it was a cute movie, and McKelle loved dancing to the music, she really seemed to like it haha. Christmas time was great this year, spending with family and getting to see those that I don't get to see as often as I would like, I miss my sister and her family when they aren't here. I sure am going to miss my younger brother, but those in Brazil are sure going to be lucky to have him.

4 month stats...

Weight: 12 pounds, 9 ounces
Length: 25.3 inches

My heart took a picture.

On November 10th, 2001, my little one Bradley Kay was born. We had a lot of hope for this little guy, because up until the day I had him, we were told that this one was different then my other two, who were born with Potters Syndrome, a disease where you are unable to develop kidneys, and therefore lungs. On the morning of November 10th my water broke, that alone was different then both Joy and Kyle, but when we got there, they wanted to do one other ultrasound just in case, so that they would be prepared for any problems. So we did the ultrasound and it was then that we learned that everything had deteriorated, so what had been developing was no more. Even then I would not believe that anything was wrong. Soon enough it was time to have him, he of course was beautiful. But right away we all knew that he was not going to make it. I think of all of them often, but some days do hit harder. What a true true blessing McKelle is, I just love her so much! (Wonder if she knew her brothers and sister). Two and half hours after he was born, he took his last breath, and as he was slipping away, my heart took a picture.

The Joy of Laughter!

McKelle started laughing a couple of weeks ago, and it is the most beautiful sound. It is like a song, that you never want to forget, and want to put on repeat!

3.5 months!

The breaking of a mothers heart.

At Mckelle's two month mark, I brought up some concerns to her doctor that I had about her feeding. She was latching on perfectly and just eating so so well, that I felt she was getting plenty. The problem was, she seemed to be eating ALL the time. I could not get her in a routine, I tried to hold her off for at least two hours, no matter what I would feed her at least two hours apart...but a lot of the time she would just have to eat before that and it would be as though I had been starving her. Her doctor suggested I talk to my doctor about these concerns. I was thoroughly checked, and whereas I have milk, I do not produce enough to be able to give her all that she needs and requires at a feeding. It broke my heart to hear this, it was and always has been my hope to be able to breastfeed and take care of my child in that way. The doctor was well aware of my previous history with my pregnancy's and children, she has no way of fully knowing but feels, my body was use to running dry. I still have milk, but I'm NEVER full, and even pumping I can barely get an ounce at a time. So now she eats about every two to three hours on a perfect routine, I first breastfeed her, and then give her 4 ounces of formula, or until she is full. I can now tell a huge difference, the poor darling was never full. I kept it to myself, and didn't want anybody to know that I couldn't even feed her, it literally breaks my heart. I guess it happens a lot, but I never even thought it would happen to me, I thought that as long as she was eating I was giving her what she needed. I still wish I didn't have to share this, but I have noticed a lot of comments lately that make it hard not to.( "I think formula is super unhealthy, it can not immulate nature like breastmilk". "Breastfeeding is the best and the ONLY right thing to do" ..."Anyone who chooses to not do it is seriously missing out on so much.".... "nursing is the best thing for you and your baby").....Where I agree with those comments, I am also aware that, sometimes the choice is taken out of our hands, and that moment when you look at yourself and realize you aren't doing what every one of those comments are saying is one more tear in a heart that is already breaking.

2 month appointment

Well the appointment was on September 14th, so as you can see I am a bit behind on posting. I can start by saying, like all moms I did not like her having to get her shots! They hurt my little girl, and therefore hurt me. But all in all, everything was perfect with her, at that time she was 9 ponds 11 ounces and 22 inches long, and moving right along. She is so much fun, and I love her so much! She smiles so much, and tells "stories" throughout the day, it is the cutest and sweetest thing ever! They do grow so fast, and you find yourself not wanting to miss any little thing!

Blessing

We blessed our little one on Sunday, September 6th. It was a great and very special day. It started out being stressful, because on their way here, my parents and brother Nathan, called and said they were broke down just after the first sister near Ft. Bridger Wyoming. It was very upsetting for me to think that they would not be able to make it. We were trying to make many decisions, to what could be done. Should we just cancel for that day, and reschedule, or just go ahead and do it? We were making phone calls trying to see what was best, when my mom called letting me know that a family friend was coming with her husband following in their truck, so that my parents could use their van to come on down to Utah and attend the blessing! Thank you so much Jamie Martin for your thoughtfulness. The relief was great, and it made a special day, that much more special! Alex blessed her, and did a beautiful job. Standing with him for the blessing was, my dad, my brother Nathan, My cousin Quinn (Ryan's husband), Alex's dad Bill. and his Uncle Steve, Our Bishop, and our Bishop that was just recently released. (I hope I didn't leave anybody out). Afterward we had a family BBQ at Alex's parents home. and really had a good time! Today McKelle is two months old, and its hard to believe how fast the time really does go by. It really is such a blessing to have her!

Well a whole month has passed since our little girl was born. How fast time goes. She coo's at us, and is starting to smile, it is so so cute and I can not wait for more things to happen. It is amazing how they can have their own personalities from that very first day, and you continue to see more of that personality as the time goes by. I love watching her as we go different places, her eyes are wide open and she just looks around excited to see new things already. Even when we go just a few steps outside our door to get the mail. She is growing, but still just barely fitting in some of her newborn outfits, she is now 7 pounds 11 ounces, but still long and skinny! She grows more and more beautiful everyday, and I fall more and more in love with her hourly! (Sorry these pictures are taken with my phone...finally got a new memory card for my camera though!!! So better pictures to come soon)

Just some pictures of our angel!!! It has been such a blessing to have her with us! I love her so much, and I love being a mom! She is still so small, she has yet to fit in newborn clothes even. I love it, and will have a hard time watching time go by so fast. But I have a feeling that with each stage in her life...THAT one will be my favorite!!!

McKelle Ryan Cromarty

I guess I should say that it all really started Sunday night July12th. I started having contractions about 10:00 P.M., but of course I talked myself out of it actually being contractions, or sometime during the night I wanted them to be so much, that that is what they became haha. They weren't consistent, but they were definitely there. Around 2:00 A.M. they started coming about every 10 minutes, not too strong but strong enough that I really started to pay attention. My husband Alex was to be to work by 8, at 7 I said to him "here is the thing, I hate for you to call into work, with it being nothing, but it doesn't make sense for you to go in, if I'm gonna call you in an hour anyway, so lets go see whats going on." They admitted me, and checked me, and I was only at a three, so I of course was very sure that they were going to send me home. We called our families just to keep them informed, and pretty much told them it would not be that day. A little later they returned to do another check, I barely made any change, but they said they called my doctor and she said either they could send me home with pain medication, or I could stay, and they would break my water. Well of course we opted to stay!! Reality began to set in. We again called our families and let them know. Ryan and the twins she nanny's came and visited, its such a blessing having her here! My mom, and sister were coming to visit that day anyway, so that worked out, and it worked out better because little did I know that my dad had decided to go with them, so he was there too!!! My sister came from Kansas, and it worked out perfect for her family that McKelle came when she did, she was able to spend time with us, and McKelle got the chance to meet her Aunt, Uncle and Cousins. And of course Alex's mom was able to be there as well. Amanda Larsen Davenport my Best Friend growing up, and her mom Peggy came from Wyoming, it was so great and special having them there! We got to the hospital at about 7:50 A.M. on Monday July 13th, they broke my water a little after 10:00 A.M. McKelle Ryan was born at 2:20 P.M. so it all only took about 6 and a half hours! I can't tell you how it was for me to hear her cry as I was having her, to hear that cry for the first time, will be something that I will hold in my heart forever, it was honestly the best sound in the world to me. When they placed her in my arms, I couldn't believe the love that I already felt for her. She was 6 pounds 6 ounces, and 20 inches long, and absolutely perfect! Since bringing her home, I've grown to love her more and more, I can not believe how blessed I am to have her, she is beautiful, and a joy every minute! And oh my goodness, she is so cute!!!!

Waiting....

Well I am down to two weeks til due date, and am getting so very excited...anxious but excited! Right now we are at the waiting game stage, and its the ticking time bomb time. I had a check-up today and am at 50% effaced, and dilated to a 3, so any time now. I am so looking forward to meeting this little girl! Things are ready to go, including me! I know I will miss having the feeling of her inside me. The blessings that we as women get to feel is amazing and no amount of words can express it! This was the first pregnancy that I was able to feel any movement at all, its something I will never forget, the first time she kicked me, I seriously thought something had fallen on me, and I kept looking around, and then it hit me, it was amazing! So I hope to keep you all posted, the time has come, where all I can do is wait and feel such enjoyment that it is going to be soon!!! I love this feeling!

Baby Shower!!

I'll start out by saying I don't have a lot of pictures yet, but I plan on getting them. On Saturday, June 6th, I was given a baby shower. It turned out great! I got to see great friends that I had not seen in too long, and it was wonderful seeing them. Also a lot of family came, Alex's mom, aunts and a couple of his sisters came from Utah, and it was fun to have them there! We had a game that Ryan put together that was a lot of fun! She had me and Mandy Davenport playing against each other since we are both pregnant. Two people would hold a string (two for her and two for me), we would be holding a baby (sack of flour), a cell phone, which we would hold an active conversation on, and while having and holding those things, we had to hang clothes on the clothes line, during a specific time period. Well Mandy smoked me, I didn't do too well, but we all sure did enjoy ourselves!! We talked a lot, and we ate a lot!! Then it was time for the gifts, and I'll tell you that McKelle sure did get spoiled. We got a lot of the cutest clothes that I can not wait to see her in! Peggy and Mandy made an adorable diaper cake, its a gift that I will have a hard time taking apart, its amazing! Mandy also got us the matching bouncer that goes with the traveling system, swing, diaper bag, and crib set, that we had already received. We got a lot of beautiful blankets, some hand made and beautiful. Also Ryan got her a swaddling blanket, which is smething that I very much wanted, and also an outfit, that I plan on taking with us to the hospital. There were many many more gifts, and every single one of them are perfect, and very much appreciated!! Thank you all so much for everything. I missed the ones I know that wanted to be there but had no way to be able to make it, but know that I thought of you! Love you all.

Memorial Day..

I
remember when I was younger, I always looked forward to Memorial Day, even the grave hopping. After we went to visit all the graves, we would get together and have a picnic of some sort. Usually it is a day that does not shine, but rains. Even so we would get a blanket and set out a picnic on our living room floor, and still have a picnic/BBQ, rain or shine. Now it is just another day, one that I can not help thinking about three little angels that I pray continue to look down on me. In March of 1999, my little girl Joy was born, she was what you would call stillborn. January of 2000, my little son Kyle was born, he lived for 10 wonderful, but very short hours. And then November of 2001, another son Bradley was born, who let us be with him for 2 and a half hours. They are all buried at the Milbourne Cemetery, by Ft.Bridger, and Mt. View Wyoming. I very rarely make it there on Memorial Day, but am thankful, because they are still being taken care of. I have a very good friend that makes things for them almost every year, I still have the things she makes, and it amazes me of the thought and care she puts into those crafts for them, and for me. This year, once again I will not be making it home for Memorial Day, but they are as of often on my mind, and in my heart. I miss them with everything that is in me, even though I had a very short time with them. This year I have the blessing of feeling a little one growing and moving in me, she will be born in July and I can not wait to meet her. Thanks to all of you for the love and support I have always felt from every one of you. I sincerely love you all very much!

Baby!

In November, we found out that I was pregnant, initial reaction for me was complete nervousness. But boy can I tell you that I was very very excited as well. I felt that Alex, and I as well, deserved the chance to become parents, although it was a fear I had, and felt it would be all to easy to keep putting it off and never trying. In the past, I was told that it was just mine and my ex-husbands genes together just didn't mesh, and that together we were missing a chromosome. So with much praying decided to go ahead and give it a try with, and for Alex, not to mention for myself. The doctors appointments continued to go well, and with the 4th month ultrasound, where you can find out what you are having, I was scared out of my mind, because in the past that is also the ultrasound where we would find out not all was well with our little ones. But I found that things were just fine! The ultrasound turned out as it should be, and Alex and I found out we are having a little girl, due July 23rd! So we are are at the count down with only two more months left, and am both very excited, and can not wait to meet our little girl, who we are planning to name McKelle Ryan. It's a very happy time for all of us, and thanks to all of you for your thoughts and prayers!