The breaking of a mothers heart.

At Mckelle's two month mark, I brought up some concerns to her doctor that I had about her feeding. She was latching on perfectly and just eating so so well, that I felt she was getting plenty. The problem was, she seemed to be eating ALL the time. I could not get her in a routine, I tried to hold her off for at least two hours, no matter what I would feed her at least two hours apart...but a lot of the time she would just have to eat before that and it would be as though I had been starving her. Her doctor suggested I talk to my doctor about these concerns. I was thoroughly checked, and whereas I have milk, I do not produce enough to be able to give her all that she needs and requires at a feeding. It broke my heart to hear this, it was and always has been my hope to be able to breastfeed and take care of my child in that way. The doctor was well aware of my previous history with my pregnancy's and children, she has no way of fully knowing but feels, my body was use to running dry. I still have milk, but I'm NEVER full, and even pumping I can barely get an ounce at a time. So now she eats about every two to three hours on a perfect routine, I first breastfeed her, and then give her 4 ounces of formula, or until she is full. I can now tell a huge difference, the poor darling was never full. I kept it to myself, and didn't want anybody to know that I couldn't even feed her, it literally breaks my heart. I guess it happens a lot, but I never even thought it would happen to me, I thought that as long as she was eating I was giving her what she needed. I still wish I didn't have to share this, but I have noticed a lot of comments lately that make it hard not to.( "I think formula is super unhealthy, it can not immulate nature like breastmilk". "Breastfeeding is the best and the ONLY right thing to do" ..."Anyone who chooses to not do it is seriously missing out on so much.".... "nursing is the best thing for you and your baby").....Where I agree with those comments, I am also aware that, sometimes the choice is taken out of our hands, and that moment when you look at yourself and realize you aren't doing what every one of those comments are saying is one more tear in a heart that is already breaking.

2 month appointment

Well the appointment was on September 14th, so as you can see I am a bit behind on posting. I can start by saying, like all moms I did not like her having to get her shots! They hurt my little girl, and therefore hurt me. But all in all, everything was perfect with her, at that time she was 9 ponds 11 ounces and 22 inches long, and moving right along. She is so much fun, and I love her so much! She smiles so much, and tells "stories" throughout the day, it is the cutest and sweetest thing ever! They do grow so fast, and you find yourself not wanting to miss any little thing!