Monday, October 19, 2009
The breaking of a mothers heart.
At Mckelle's two month mark, I brought up some concerns to her doctor that I had about her feeding. She was latching on perfectly and just eating so so well, that I felt she was getting plenty. The problem was, she seemed to be eating ALL the time. I could not get her in a routine, I tried to hold her off for at least two hours, no matter what I would feed her at least two hours apart...but a lot of the time she would just have to eat before that and it would be as though I had been starving her. Her doctor suggested I talk to my doctor about these concerns. I was thoroughly checked, and whereas I have milk, I do not produce enough to be able to give her all that she needs and requires at a feeding. It broke my heart to hear this, it was and always has been my hope to be able to breastfeed and take care of my child in that way. The doctor was well aware of my previous history with my pregnancy's and children, she has no way of fully knowing but feels, my body was use to running dry. I still have milk, but I'm NEVER full, and even pumping I can barely get an ounce at a time. So now she eats about every two to three hours on a perfect routine, I first breastfeed her, and then give her 4 ounces of formula, or until she is full. I can now tell a huge difference, the poor darling was never full. I kept it to myself, and didn't want anybody to know that I couldn't even feed her, it literally breaks my heart. I guess it happens a lot, but I never even thought it would happen to me, I thought that as long as she was eating I was giving her what she needed. I still wish I didn't have to share this, but I have noticed a lot of comments lately that make it hard not to.( "I think formula is super unhealthy, it can not immulate nature like breastmilk". "Breastfeeding is the best and the ONLY right thing to do" ..."Anyone who chooses to not do it is seriously missing out on so much.".... "nursing is the best thing for you and your baby").....Where I agree with those comments, I am also aware that, sometimes the choice is taken out of our hands, and that moment when you look at yourself and realize you aren't doing what every one of those comments are saying is one more tear in a heart that is already breaking.
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7 comments:
awe, so sad. I'm sorry about that! I had to stop breastfeeding with Jack only a couple weeks into it and I totally know how you feel about it. formula is amazing though and now Alex can help with the feedings ;)
I feel for you, i woke up one day with my son and had no milk. He never ever latched on tho. Go out today and get Fenugreek, its a mothers milk herb, follow the directions 3 pills 3 times a day. You smell like maple syrup but it will make you produce more milk. Also had blessed thistle. There is also a mothers milk tea. Try everything you can to keep it. Even if you have to supplement with formula, some breastmilk is better than none!!
It ok Cyn! I totally know how you feel and you are not alone! It was devastating to me when my milk went away with Briggs. Its so hard when you want to do something so bad to help your baby and you can't and don't understand why! breastfeeding is wonderful, but you are a good mommy and giving MaKelle formula is ok too! You are a good mom and now know that she is getting enough to eat and I am sure she is fine with it! Don't feel bad. You are a great mommy and are doing whats best for your little girl! Hugs!
That stinks, but at least you've discovered the issue and can now do things other than nursing all day long! :) Way to stick with it though; you are a trooper and such a good mom. I know it.
That is one of the worst feeling. I went through that with Joseph. he was always hungry and would cry all the time. I thought maybe he was just constipated cause he wasn't pooping much either. I pumped one day and didn't get hardly anything out so we put him on formula. Ethan on the other hand got to nurse until he was 1 so you never know, the next one might work out better. I know it's heartbreaking but don't listen to what everyone else says. you rather have a happy healthy child.
Being able to nurse doesn't make you a good or bad Mommy honey. I know some of those comments that you are talking about came from a recent post on my page from other people. Please don't take other people's snarky opinions to heart. Nursing is a beautiful thing, but you can still be a wonderful mommy without doing it. Bonding with your baby can happen without having a breast in her mouth. Ignore the negative comments and just do what is right for you and your baby. Don't listen to anyone else except yourself, your baby and your Dr. Good luck honey:)
HI!! I'm so glad you have a blog. I love them and it's so easy to keep in touch.
I just wanted you to know that I too had the exact same issue as you with my first little one and felt so much guilt when I had to supplement. You will make it through and your baby will be healthy. I wasn't even able to nurse my second and that in itself was awful but they are both growing and strong. I'm so sorry you are struggling with this and hope that in time you will feel better.
Hope you come see my blogs too! My whole family has them so you can get to them from my page!
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