Ode to Joy

Joy Collings was Mine and Jason's first. We were so very excited to have this little one, the baby's room was fun to decorate, green carpet (like grass) blue walls, and white clouds, and bees and whinnie the pooh decals on the walls...it was darling! Our doctor was in Evanston, and on our 4 month appointment we were very excited on that day because we were finally going to get to find out if we were going to have a boy or a girl!!!! Instead right off the doctor noticed that things were not as they should be (he barely looked to let us know what the gender was, he said a "boy"). He proceeded to point out things that were not right and was very thorough and extremely good about informing us on the truth. First off there was no amniotic fluid, and instead the fluid was where the kidneys and lungs should have been, he informed us that it looked as though it was what is known as Potters Syndrome, where they are born without kidneys, therefore could not develop lungs. We knew on that day that our baby would not live. We were absolutely heartbroken, it was unreal, and Jason and I went home, held each other and cried, the devastation of such news is hard to talk about. When I was almost 6 months we decided to induce, she had died the night before I had her, and she needed to be born, when she was, that is when we found out that our little boy that we were going to name Joey, was a little girl instead, and that is how we got our little bundle of Joy!!!! She was stillborn, but still so beautiful, I often wonder if she and McKelle would have any resemblance, since there is a lot of me in McKelle, I am sure there is, although if she would have had dark hair like her dad, that would have been so beautiful! Oh how I miss my angels! Mommy sure does love you!!!!